you have grown used to plastering a smile on your face reminding everyone that you are doing just okay but the minute that they let go of your gaze is when you struggle to bring that same joy to yourself perhaps you feel as though your inner thoughts have cut off all of your circulation and your ability to vocalize what is scattered along the corners of your mind so you eventually find yourself in this cycle that gets no recognition but you cannot reach your full potential being afraid of vulnerability there will be times when you feel compelled to express yourself because somewhere within you there was a door that crept open that held your self-confidence but for whatever reason you could not see it you see there will be moments when the door to confidence is anything but possible to open and you will feel exhausted at the number of times that you tried to see the possibility of it all again i am telling you now that you are stronger than you may think and your persistence to find confidence is not to be ignored think about it the time that you have felt discouraged towards moving forward but something happens that stops you in your tracks big or small whatever it was somehow brought that smile back to your face you did not expect it to be that simple but it was allow that to be the reminder that centers your intrusive thoughts every emotion that washes over us is temporary the lessons that we learn throughout the journey of life will stay with us much longer you deserve to smile -p.m.c.
you finally found what slipped from you without your knowledge it took some time to remember but you have to know that you had to go for a little while at the moment of destruction your higher being knew that it was time to step in not that you lacked the strength to be rid of this pain that was beginning to seep into you but there is a part of yourself that sees all things that exist beyond what you can comfortably hold onto in real-time the truth has a way of shrinking you down by making it close to impossible to believe that you are entirely worthy of a peaceful life while you never thought it would happen to you the stories that belonged to all the other names always left a pit that had no ending in your stomach you could only imagine the sheer anguish that took over another who had been violated never was it your truth to carry but only a hand to be held for support until the table changed positions bringing you to the head with the spotlight beaming on you in a way that left you exposed beyond belief the story that was once a faraway tale that loomed alongside your fears now transmuted into your own complex story to piece together your memory became hazy in ways that you never experienced before the act was debilitating but it was the waves that came with the aftermath that left you incapable of moving forward the world around you rapidly flashed by without consideration of your new reality everything that you thought you knew about yourself seemed foreign you never thought the day would come when you would lose trust in yourself but there you were running away from what they did to you without understanding that you were only trying to protect yourself from reliving the tragedy over and over again but it got to the point that this became your daily routine escaping to cope only allowed the wound to twist itself around your center instead of going inward you found solace in mimicking the pain you felt when your body shut down to their touch jump starting the patterns of doing anything to replicate that feeling upon yourself failing to get it just right since you were not the one to torment yourself to no end all this did was cover you in bruises that left its marks along your skin your neglected mind needed you to wake up and pay attention as soon as you remember who you are that is when you can bloom back into yourself resistance towards honoring what you deserved in that moment will be present often but holding space for that truth will bring the opportunity to mend what was taken from you
you should have never been handed the cards of being the being that needed to grow up before the ones you were surrounded by being young with a mind that has molded at a pace that was beyond your control only left you staggering in a way that was meant to slow down to be steady more than anything you wanted to exist in real time without panicking about the world seeing what can make you crumble if you drift back to the dark place you want to forget but you found a home in that dark place you knew which way to go in that space the nightmares that leeched onto you against your will ring at a frequency that is deafening to bare alone of course you tried to escape this tortuous site but your feet left your mind behind as they led you to the twisted truth your greatest fears happened not once not twice but thrice the charm of three found a way to gut you from the inside out there you are weaving around these horrors doing whatever it takes to look away at what had happened to you but being an owner in the dark place means running away is a game that fools play the exhaustion settles in quicker than anticipated and your eyes grow heavy at the sight of foreign beings entering your sacred temple listening as you say no but the rhythm seems to pick up more maybe you were not heard clearly enough no the word that is a full-blown sentence yet it is the one word that seems to baffle the abuser to no end being a bystander within the dark place you are in awe at how life slipped from your eyes after the desperate attempts to have these attacks come to a halt your body became a shell of itself a protective shield encapsulated around your spirit to keep you as safe as can be watching the act in its entirety has become the most significant feature that plays in your mind as the loops of your trauma move backward and forward there is a dim light that is almost too faint to be seen inside the heart of this gloomed filled space but it catches your attention enough to yank yourself free of the pain that has seeped into you you hesitate as you approach the light it is as if you have forgotten what it feels like to be embraced by the warmth of new possibilities before you reach out to grasp this light there are shadows of figures lingering through the entrance to this new beginning
Poet Paige Cary
there is a familiarity that bombards you you see yourself your thirteen-year-old self your nineteen-year-old self and your twenty-five-year-old self but standing shyly behind these versions of you you notice a little girl the curls of her hair dance around her chocolate-splashed face each of you making room for her and giving her the time to step forward to look at you she examines you with a sense of curiosity that only a child could do so well there is zero judgment that exudes from this girl all at once she breaks into a smile that unlocks what has been hidden the only words that fall from her are that she wants you to follow her out of the darkness and you can trust her guidance you willingly follow and take one final glance at what has to be left behind there is fear that is attached to walking away from what has harmed us we know that sort of agony better than any other experience that has found its way to us but when the trust that is placed within yourself begins to fall into alignment a sense of peace will wash over you and give you the chance to be reintroduced to who you are today because this version of you can finally give grace to where you have been and make room for where you are going -p.m.c.
https://www.1in3foundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/1in3-foundation-logo-transparent-300x212.png00Maya Bethanyhttps://www.1in3foundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/1in3-foundation-logo-transparent-300x212.pngMaya Bethany2023-04-13 06:00:002023-04-03 08:31:18the dark place
to every person who has been sexually harassed groped molested assaulted or raped i want you to know that my heart beats with yours i promise you that myself and so many others stand behind your experience my story is valid and your story is valid my pain is real and your pain is real my voice deserves to be heard and so does yours if you are ashamed and feel as though you are unable to use your voice that is okay nobody has the power to make you speak out if you are not ready to period there is no time limit for the healing process continue to take every single day one day at a time we survived the worst and we can only grow from here some may think that speaking out about rape culture is a lost cause but i disagree on too many levels we cannot continue to condone that sort of thinking anymore it is a new day and survivors will no longer be silenced quit justifying the actions of people who can violate another person’s boundaries we do not care about what you have to say it will always be wrong stand with survivors the only way a difference will become a reality is when victim-blaming is no more there is power in numbers so stand with me and the beautiful people who have gone through trauma and to my darlings who have gone through any of this ME TOO
